The Ghost Of You
by Marlena Snape
Summary: [ONE SHOT: COMPLETE] Randy Keith Orton thought his life was over. With the loss of his fiancée, the love of his life, Randy expected he would never love again. Could a friend change that?


**TITLE:** The Ghost Of You  
**AUTHOR NAME:** Marlena R. Snape  
**CATEGORY:** Tragedy  
**SUB-CATEGORY:** Drama  
**RATING: **PG-13 because some situations may not be suitable for readers under 13.  
**DISTRIBUTION: **Ask and you might receive.  
**GENRE:** Wrestling (WWE; AU)  
**CAST:** Randy Orton, Trista Lynn Orton (OC), John Cena, Lela Storm (OC), Autumn Martin (OC), Regan Montgomery (OC)

**SUMMARY:  
**  
At twenty-three, Randy Keith Orton thought his life was over. With the loss of his fiancée, the love of his life, Autumn Martin to suicide, Randy expected he would never love again. Could an unlikely friend become his alliance to life? His reminder that love can happen?

**DISCLAIMER: **

Trista Lynn Orton, is Candace's. Lela Storm, is mine. Autumn Martin is my adopted mother Brenda's. Edward Martin, is kind of based on my uncle Carl. Regan Montgomery, is Angel's. Everyone else is you know, legit…? The lyrics and title are credit to my favorite band currently, My Chemical Romance, on a powerful song called "The Ghost Of You", as it were. Enjoy, it's a one shot. It might spawn a series, who knows, but for now… it's a solo story.

* * *

Randy Orton knew that there was one person out there for everybody. That one soul mate put on God's Earth by the man himself for you to love. That everyone in the world had that one somebody to love, and that would love them in return. He thought he found his at a young age, in his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri. A girl he went to high school with, by the name of Autumn Martin. She was not only nice, but smart, caring, and pretty. She was the quiet girl with chocolate brown hair, hazel eyes, and just a hair taller than girls her own age. She was stunning to Randy. One of the most beautiful creatures he'd ever laid his eyes upon…

Unfortunately, Autumn was quiet to a fault. She wouldn't talk to Randy. She wouldn't even acknowledge him if he said hello in the halls, or away from school. Running into each other at the mall? Absolutely not. She'd duck into the book store just to avoid him.

Randy thought that he had done something wrong, and in fact, he looked to the confidants of Autumn to see -- just what he had done to her. What could he have done to her besides be nice? Say hello? Be polite? Offer to help her with her books? Was that a bad thing?

"It's because she thinks you're attractive," Autumn's twin brother Edward told Randy one afternoon during after school intramurals. "She's always talking about how nice you are, or how nice you try to be, but she's never been good with guys…"

"Talk to her for me…" Randy pleaded with Edward, "I mean, come on Eddie… I want to get to know her…"

"Why, Randy?" Edward asked, "Why her instead of all of these other girls who fawn over you? Is it because Autumn is a challenge?"

"No." Randy stated matter-of-factly. "It's because I want to get to know her. She seems like the kind of person who could help ME be a better person…"

"Autumn does that for everyone…" Edward whispered a little, before shaking his head. He rubbed his temple lightly, "Fine, Randy… but if you have some kind of … plan, for her…"

"I don't." Randy snapped, "Can't you just trust me? Am I THAT bad?"

"No…"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing. I'm just being stupid." Edward finally said, "I'll talk to her."

The worst thing about the situation, was that Trista Lynn, Randy's younger sister, was friends with Autumn. They'd always spend time together, and while Autumn would never go over to the Orton house, Trista was always at the Martin house. Randy thought there was something more than just the fact Autumn "found him attractive". So what? Maybe she didn't like the fact she found someone like him to be 'easy on the eyes'. Maybe there was something wrong with Randy…  
But Randy knew something was different about Autumn because of the way he was thinking…

No girl he had ever fancied made him question whether HE was the reason nothing was happening. He always thought, that the other girl was too tight for the situation, and refused to loosen up. He didn't normally care. This is what set Autumn Rose Martin apart from the other girls that Randy Keith Orton pursued. She was a step above the rest on so many levels, and he figured that he'd never find a girl the caliber of her. Not here, not there, not anywhere. Which would explain his desperation to talk to her…  
She was special, there was no doubt. And even RKO could tell.

After conversation with both Trista Lynn and her twin brother Edward, Autumn finally approached Randy as he was walking out of school the last day before summer vacation. The conversation was short, it was sweet, but it was something that gave Randy that leap of hope, that something might happen.

"Come over with Trista this weekend…"

"Why do you want me to come to your place?" Randy asked, as Autumn just gave him a look. "Bad question?"

"Just do it, okay…? Please… I should say… I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize. You need to take charge with me, I'm a stubborn little prick." Randy said with a confident smile, which actually turned Autumn's serious demeanor to that of a smile. "You know something…"

"What?"

"You have an amazing smile…"

"Don't start that, especially here." Autumn said quickly, "I don't care what you say at my house, just not here… I need to go…"

"Autumn, wait a minute…"

She was turning to walk off when Randy snatched her arm lightly, turning her to face him. He had a look of seriousness on his face as he looked down at her, and he smiled to himself a little noticing how she wasn't that much shorter than him. A comfortable level of height remained between them, and that was just one of the one million things Randy liked about Autumn.

"I don't care who knows I like you. I don't care who knows I'm interested in you. And even if I kissed you right here, nobody would say two words because I'd punch them in the cock sucker…"

"Why…?"

"Because you mean a lot to me and I barely even know you…"

"Get to know me… first, before you say things like that…"

"Fine, that's fair enough. I'll be over."

I never said  
I'd lie in wait forever  
If I died we'd be together

I can't always just forget her  
But she could try.

Trista acted like a kid in a candy store. A kid who got their biggest Christmas wish. She held Randy's hand all the way to the Martin's, just skipping along side of her brother, happy as a clam. She was partially behind Autumn inviting Randy over. She wanted Autumn to get to know the side of Randy that didn't include his 'school demeanor'. That didn't involve his 'school reputation'. To get to know the REAL Randy Keith. Trista was sure that Autumn would appreciate the sweet, caring, considerate, funny, and passionate side of her brother that she had always seen no matter the situation or scene. The side of love that he never hid from her.

"I'm glad you two are going to talk." Trista said with a bright smile, "I mean -- I never let any of my friends crush on you but this is okay. Autumn is awesome, and so are you. I think you guys could get married!"

"Save it, Trist…" Randy said with a light chuckle, "don't jinx me. If you say we're going to get together over this, it could back fire and I could get the boot."

"Nah! Think positive Randy Keith Orton! Think positive!"

Well, the bubbly nature of Trista Lynn was second to none. She was always so energetic and positive, the kind of person you couldn't help but be happy around. She had a contagious personality, in a way. When she laughed, you wanted to laugh with her. When she smiled, you wanted to smile with her. When she cried, you want to hug her and cry with her. It was that kind of thing that drew Autumn to her on the level of friendship they were on. They were like sisters.

That summer, though, it was when everything did take off for Autumn and Randy. They had a bond over many conversations that could only be classified as inseparable. Randy wasted no time in seizing the moment, to ask Autumn to be his girlfriend, and to not only Trista's, and Edward's, but Randy's surprise… Autumn said she would.

"I know it's stupid," Randy said as he sat with Autumn by the stream behind her house. The water sparkling ripples as he chucked a skipping stone into the cool water, his attention centered down. "I know you're probably going to say no, and I'd get it…"

"Get it…?" Autumn seemed confused, "spit it out, Randy. Would ya? We're pass this, I thought."

"Are we?" He snapped his attention up. "Are we really pass the nervousness stages? What I have to say is big, Autumn. You wouldn't get it though, you've never felt like this about someone I don't think."

"Explain then, if I'm so **_naïve_**."

"I'm not saying that!" Randy sighed frustrated, "I want you to be my girlfriend, all right? There I said it, I want you to by my girl."

"Okay."

"I get you saying no-" Randy froze, "Huh?"

"Okay." Autumn said with a small smirk. "Did I stutter?"

"Did you accept…?"

"Yes."

"And no…"

"Why don't you just kiss me and shut up then?"

_Just kiss me and shut up…_  
Words that Randy would hear echo in his head a thousand times as he placed his lips against hers in a tender caress. It was their first, but most certainly not their last kiss. And every time they shared a moment, the words played through Randy's cranium like music.** Just kiss me and shut up**… it was a constant, that he couldn't and wouldn't let go…

It was the start of a beautiful relationship, as they not only had their last days at school together, no longer caring what anyone would think -- Autumn was more open and proud of her relationship with Orton. And Randy was most certainly a different person when he was with Autumn. His reputation wasn't the most important thing to him anymore. His love for Autumn was. Sure! They were young, but when it came to emotions so strong, they knew it was real. They knew it was if not for a long time, forever…

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I?  
Should I? _

Let's skip ahead, shall we? A couple years out of school. Amazingly enough, their 'high school romance' was more than just a phase. It was through graduation, through Randy's short military spat that Autumn scolded him about. But that wasn't the end of their relationship. In fact, it was kind of the 'you're forgiven, just move on', type deal. They got over it in a hurry, and were able to get Randy on track toward his career.  
He wanted to follow in his father and grandfather's path.

He wanted to be a professional wrestler.

Before even pursuing, though -- Randy sat down with Autumn at dinner to discuss possibilities. He wanted her input as well, since they had been together for almost three years. THREE years. Both of them had never been in a relationship so serious, and they knew what went in to making it work. Communication, love, understanding, trust… they were young but not when it came to maturity level. They acted as if they were married. They did everything together that married couples would do. Including serious talks.

"All right," Randy started off, "I know that this career thing is a big jump. Do you think you could handle being a wrestler's girlfriend?"

"I could handle it as long as that wrestler is you." Autumn said with a smile, "I love you… why would your career change that? I mean, you could be a garbage man and I'd still stand behind you, Randy."

"I don't deserve you." Randy said with a quiet smile, "I really don't."

"Sure you do." Autumn said surely, "Why wouldn't you? You're everything I can ask for in a man. Why would you think I deserve better? You're the best I could get, Randy. And if you argue, I'm going to hurt you."

"I won't." Randy laughed, "I promise."

"So why don't you just kiss me and shut up…? Or you could toast to an amazing career, THEN kiss me… either way… I'd better get that kiss…"

"Consider it granted, Misses Orton." He said with a chuckle, as he leaned his lips in to kiss her. Autumn smiled as she kissed him back.

"Misses Orton, hmm?" She muttered against his lips, "Nice."

"It could happen." Randy grinned, as he stood up. He extended his hand to Autumn, "It really could. Come on." She stood up and Randy wrapped his arms around her. "Let's dance."

They slow danced to "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, sharing just the other person's company. It was one of those moments that cemented their love. So Randy was just turning twenty-two when he decided that what he felt for Autumn was as real as real could get.  
It was also the same time that Randy was working through Ohio Valley Wrestling, OVW, and was on the verge of his debut. The year? 2002.

2002 was monumental for the couple. Randy had a few new friends in the wrestling business, namely John Felix Anthony Cena. A man who had so much talent, so much desire to become a huge name in the business. Autumn especially clicked with John's girlfriend Lela Storm. She wasn't a wrestler, she was an up and coming pro-skate boarder. The ex-girlfriend of Bam Margera, when he wasn't "super king" of the circuit. He was just some 'Jackass'. John and her met in Boston, as she herself was a relocated Boston Brat. She originally was from Manhattan, but moved to Boston with her love for the Red Sox. It was love at first sight for the two… if you could imagine **that** for five seconds…  
Lela and John weren't a long time couple, but they definitely were an it as far as Randy could see. He didn't see the same kind of connection in their relationship as he had with Autumn, but to Randy… he and Autumn had the ideal relationship. Autumn was Randy's **it**. He couldn't picture being with anyone else but her, no matter what.

It would also explain why in September 2002, Randy took the largest step of his life. Randy was still a WWE rookie, but he wasn't a rookie as far as the relationship with Autumn went. He was an old pro, and Autumn was still very much content with being side-by-side with Randy. Trista was already planning their **immaculate wedding**, that she foresaw in their future. Trista Lynn had a scrapbook of the wedding she believed Randy and Autumn deserved. It was a large white scrapbook with wedding bells on the front, and a photo of Randy and Autumn backstage at a WWE Smackdown! Event (over all, a very recent picture at the time) of them hugging and smiling at the camera. After all, Trista was behind the camera. What reason was there not to smile?

Lela Storm found Trista's interest in the relationship one of those 'too cute for words' things. She also found Randy and Autumn to be one of the cutest couples she had ever seen. Randy was a good looking guy, but Autumn had this over all 'nice girl' look to her. Her hair was longer now, still chocolate brown, down to her mid-back and curly. Her eyes always had a dramatic look to the hazel as she didn't use MUCH makeup, but just enough to add that effect. She was still standing tall, at five foot eight at best, just over all a curvaceous beauty. She had an aura of natural elegance to her… it must have been her French ethnicity.

But as stated, Randy took a huge step in September 2002. More specifically, September the tenth, 2002. He was home in St. Louis for the time being with Autumn, as she was slightly depressed over a family matter. Her father was sick. She was always very close to her father, and knowing that he wasn't doing well, Randy wanted to be there for the family that had become much like his own over the past few years. It wasn't long as he had to do what the WWE needed of him since he was still pretty new. He couldn't just blow it off for any reason, but they were sympathetic with family matters to an extent. While away from the drama of the family, Autumn and Randy had much needed time alone. From a time of making love, a time of secluded dinner by candle light, and just time cuddling on the sofa with a glass of wine each, Randy thought it was the perfect moment…

_And all the things that you never ever told me.  
And all the smiles that are ever, ever.  
Ever.  
Get that feeling that you're never alone?  
And I remember now…_

"Autumn?" He said her name quietly, but loud enough for her to hear. Autumn cocked her head to look at him, a relaxed expression on her face.

"Yeah?"

"I have to talk to you." He said, somewhat somberly, as she looked a little worried.

"Randy? What's the matter?"

"I have something that I need to talk to you about. It's been bothering me for a few weeks, and I really need to take the time to just get this off my chest."

"Okay… go ahead…"

"I love you." He started, "More than anything in this world. I didn't think it was possible to love someone like this, but I do… I can't see myself with anyone but you, and it scares me that I could lose you…"

"No, you won't, Randy…"

"There's ALWAYS a chance for loss. Always, Autumn." Randy said, "But I don't want that to happen without you knowing how serious I am about us. How much I love you, how much I want to spend my life with you." He pulled a ring out of his pocket, no need for a box he figured. If she said yes it would be on his finger, if she said no, it would be at the bottom of a lake somewhere… "Will you marry me, Autumn?"

For the longest moment, Autumn said nothing. Perhaps the shock was too much for her? She just looked at Randy, and he looked back, anticipation in his eyes. He was scared the silence was her way of saying no, and he didn't think he could see his life without her. He didn't see anything past Autumn Rose Martin. He saw black…

"Yes…"

She finally spoke and the word that came out of her mouth was what Randy wanted to hear. It was a yes. He wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her passionately, the ring slipping onto her left index finger as he held her. It was the most intimate moment in their relationship that night, the moment they made love as two people who were engaged to be married. It was their way of consummating their engagement.  
The next day, Randy called Trista and told her the news. He also phoned John and told him the news. John was already asked to be Randy's best man for when they finally decided to marry, and Trista was naturally first choice for maid of honor. It was going to be based on Trista's massive wedding plans…

But sadly, tragedy struck too close to home in early 2003. Randy was in Miami when he received a phone call. It was May 2003, May 17th to be exact. Autumn was hysterical on the other end of the phone. Randy knew he had to get back to St. Louis no MATTER the cost… he knew he had to get there or else there was going to be problems.

"Baby… what's WRONG?" Randy questioned, "PLEASE…"

"I… I ca… I can…"

"Autumn…"

"Here's Ed…"

She handed off the phone, the sobs from Randy's princess evident in his ear. Randy felt helpless, the most he had ever felt in his entire life. Edward, Autumn's twin brother, got on the telephone with Randy… and after an initial hello, Randy was already demanding answers.

"Why is she so upset, Eddie?"

"It's about dad…" Edward said, "Dad just died… and Autumn was in the room with him…"

"Oh my fucking god…."

"What's worse, is he convulsed into cardiac arrest **in** Autumn's arms…" Edward further explained, "With mom gone, and dad all she had left… she's taking it extremely hard. Dad was her connection, man…"

"I know… she was right there for him through everything…"

"After Dad's triple bypass surgery, Autumn was there every damned minute, but apparently something went wrong with the surgery, and his heart couldn't take it. He had two massive heart attacks on the table, that's after he went into arrest. When Dad started convulsing, you know -- flailing around -- Autumn grabbed him to comfort him, and begged him not to leave her…."

"…my god…."

"I'm going down to the funeral parlor tomorrow, Randy. When can you be back here?"

"I'm on the first flight out tonight…"

"Autumn needs you, Randy… more than anything…"

"I'll be there, Ed. Don't worry, I'll be there…"

It was a tense, emotional moment. Randy was in fact back in St. Louis before anyone knew it. He took a flight from Miami directly to St. Louis, and he made it to the Martin house. Autumn wasn't anywhere to be found, but Edward was right there in the front room. He didn't expect Randy at the time, so seeing Randy was a shock.  
Immediately, Randy wanted to know where Autumn was. He was directed to the bathroom on the second level, and as he knocked on the door, there was no answer. He tried the door, but it was locked.

"Autumn?"

There was no answer.

"Baby? It's Randy… please open up…"

Again, silence.  
Trying the door again, he heard a gasp in the bathroom. Randy froze. He knew the person's tone, and it was Autumn.

"Autumn! Open the door!"

The gasping, wheezing… Randy panicked, and the door was kicked off it's hinges. As he opened the door, he came upon a sight that HORRIFIED him. His fiancée was blood red, she was covered in her own blood… with a razor blade in her hand.

"EDDIE!" Randy screamed, "CALL 911! NOW!"

Randy fell to his knees beside Autumn, picking her up into his arms. She was bleeding profusely from the neck, her skin cold, and her eyes losing color. She was trying to stop the bleeding with a towel, but the previously white beach towel was red…

"I…" What looked like a tear, however was red… blood, fell from her lacking color hazel eye. "So…rry…"

"Shh, baby keep your strength…" Randy advised her, "I'll save you… I'll save you baby, just hold on… don't give up…"

At the top of my lungs  
In my arms  
She dies.  
She dies.  
At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are never coming home…

At the hospital, Randy paced the family consolation room, where he and Edward were directed by the doctor on call, who was doing his best for Autumn. When the emergency medical technicians took Autumn away from Randy, she wasn't moving. Her breath was so shallow, it was as if his princess wasn't breathing at all.  
As it would come to pass, she wasn't.

Doctor Norman Fitzgerald was the doctor on call. The last thing Randy heard out of Autumn's mouth, was I love you. The last thing he said to her, was to hold on… and that he loved her. Doctor Fitzgerald came into the room with Randy and Edward, his gloves still on. They were covered in blood. Autumn's blood. This scared Randy, as he tried his best to remain composed. Edward, however -- did not have it so easy.

"I'm Doctor Fitzgerald," Norman said, "I was with your sister."

"She's my fiancée." Randy spoke up, "Where is she?"

"I am honestly so sorry, but Autumn didn't pull through…."

While Edward dropped his head, tears falling freely from his eyes, Randy… absolutely…lost it…

"What do you mean, she didn't pull through!"

"I'm truly sorry for your loss, but Miss Martin passed away."

"No… no she didn't, where is she?" Randy demanded, as he grabbed Doctor Fitzgerald by the collar. "Where, in the fuck, is my wife!"

"She's being cleaned up, and her body is being-"

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE SHE'S DEAD!" Randy screamed, as he pushed Norman away from him. He ran out of the consolation room, through the ER, through the Nurses' Station, and down the long white hallway. "AUTUMN!" Randy shouted her name, "AUTUMN! Answer me!"

One of the nurses, a young girl named Bridget Connors, heard Randy. His yells, his panic, his desperation. She phoned room four, where Autumn's body was, telling them to let Randy in. He needed to see for himself to come to terms. It would help wouldn't it?  
Randy was guided into the room where a white sheet was covering something, though the sheet was spattered with blood as well. Randy's heart rate quickened, as he was lead over.

"Do you know Miss Martin?" The nurse asked, as Randy nodded his head.

"She's my fiancée…"

"I'm so sorry…"

"We were getting married…" his tone dropped, as he reached out to touch what was beneath the sheet. "We had two weeks to go…"

"I'll leave you alone, sir. If you need anything, please… don't hesitate to call me. My name is Samantha Reeves."

Randy merely nodded.  
As Randy finally was able to reach out, he felt electricity pulse through him as he felt the cold of skin against his warm fingertips. He felt a lifeless limb as he held the hand that had a diamond engagement ring that looked many shades of familiar…  
Finally managing to gain the gumption, Randy lifted the sheet to see the pale white face of a face that held such radiance when he left for Miami. A face that held such passion for life when they first met…

_Just kiss me and shut up…._  
As the words raced back to his memory, fresh as the day Autumn first said them to him, Randy broke down. He fell to his knees beside the bed, his hand still clinging for dear life to Autumn's cold hand, and he lost all composure. His body shook terribly as he cried, for the first time in what seemed forever. Randy felt as if his entire world had been lifted from him in one moment, one minute, one hour… one mistake…

"Why…"

It was all Randy whispered, as he held her hand to his face, his tears unsubsiding. His hysterical demeanor unrelenting. He was in the same kind of mood Autumn was on the phone with him when they talked, just after her father died.  
Now, Randy had to deal with his wife to be, dead in his presence…  
At that moment, Randy felt as if he'd never be the same.

It wasn't long after that Doctor Fitzgerald walked into the room where Randy was still with Autumn, his hand still in hers. It was as if he let go, she'd be taken away from him. She would have in fact, but the news that Norman had for Randy didn't make his situation any less heartbreaking, in fact, it made it worse.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, Randy, but opposed to having it put on the Death Certificate only, and you find out that way…."

"What?"

"It was recently discovered, that your fiancée was with child…"

"Come again…?"

"I looked in Autumn's records, and just days ago - it was confirmed Autumn was eight weeks pregnant…"

So not only did Randy lose the one person he loved more than life itself…  
He'd lose a child he never even knew about….

Never coming home.  
Could I?  
Should I?  
All the things that you never ever told me.  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.  
Never coming home.  
Never coming home.

Could I?  
Should I?

Autumn's father's wake and funeral was two days before Autumn's. Edward planned his father's, while Randy took full responsibility for Autumn's. John was there for Randy, so was Trista, John's girlfriend Lela, amongst a list of friends from the WWE that Randy had become close to over his time working there. It was going to take time for Randy to come back, and not have Autumn on his mind.  
They had the service in St. Louis, May 21rst, 2003. It was the day she was laid out at the funeral parlor of choice. Pallbearers for her included Edward Martin, Autumn's cousin Joseph, John, and Dave Bautista… another one of Randy's closest friends in the WWE. It was a private, secluded ceremony - that was attended by the remaining members of the Martin family, in which came from as far as Maine to St. Louis, or just around the corner. Randy's entire family was there as well, to console him in his loss.

Speakers included Father John Reginald of Autumn's church, as she was born and bred orthodox Catholic, Edward Martin, Trista Lynn Orton, and naturally, Randy Keith Orton…  
While Edward spoke of what kind of a girl his sister was to those who didn't know her when they were younger. Trista Lynn talked about what kind of a relationship she had with Autumn, and how Autumn affected her life in a positive aspect. It was Randy, who put the arrangement in tears.

"Thank you all for being here today," Randy said softly, as he fixed his tie. His nerves were on end as he was speaking not from cards like Edward, or from a sheet of paper like Trista, but he was speaking souly from his heart. It was when Randy was at his most vulnerable. "Today we're all here to show our respect, and our love for a woman who was everything to a lot of people. She was a hard worker, a dedicated friend - sister - daughter and most certainly, a dedicated soul mate for someone like me…"

For a moment, Randy had to pause, as he looked back at the casket that held Autumn Rose Martin. She laid there, still as still could be, her eyes closed, arms crossed against her chest and amidst photos, and small tokens that people placed in with her, her prayer beads, and flowers, was something notable that Randy REFUSED to let the funeral directors take from her.  
Her engagement ring.

"When I met Autumn, I knew there was something special about her. I never in a million years would have expected to be up here, talking her like this to all of you…" He was overwhelmingly emotional, but he was keeping it together just to talk. That was it. "She'd always tell me, that I was stuck with her forever. I wish that offer still stood, because I wasn't stuck, I am very much in love with her… and there's just that feeling of always will be in love with her. Autumn Rose Martin was the first woman I ever loved, the first woman to make me feel like I had a life worth living not for myself, but for someone else…"

Trista put her head down as tears fell from her blue eyes. John even was choked up by what he was hearing, he had no idea that Randy felt so deeply about Autumn. It wasn't as obvious to another person outside of the immediate family.

"I guess the only thing that can be said about Autumn, is that she is and was my everything. She may not be here physically, but she'll always be with me mentally, emotionally, and she will always be my soul mate." Randy paused, only long enough to walk over to Autumn's casket. He leaned over, closing his eyes for a moment. "Just kiss me and shut up…" he said out loud, and Trista stifled a sob. She remembered BOTH her brother and Autumn telling her about their moment together. Randy leaned down and placed a kiss on Autumn's cold lips, as he cradled her face in his hands. "There's your kiss, baby." he said softly, as he placed his hand over her engagement ring. "You and I will always be together…" He was trying not to cry again, as he took in a jagged breath. "I love you with all of my heart, Autumn Rose Martin-Orton. I love you with all of my soul… Goodbye…"

Finally, Randy lost it as he kneeled beside her casket, his head leaned against the casing. John and Trista rushed to Randy's side as he quaked with a mix of anger, sadness, and overwhelming depression. He tried to gain his overall composure as Trista whispered in Randy's ear.

"Randy…" she said, "please… come with me. I don't need you ending up like this… I need you …"

Hearing that from his sister gave Randy the will to stand on his own two feet again, but John and Trista had to practically drag Randy away from the casket. They sat him down on the sofa nearest to it, though, because he wouldn't go farther. He couldn't tear himself away from eye shot. He wouldn't.

_And all of the wounds that are ever gonna scar me.  
And all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me.  
If I fall.  
If I fall down.  
At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see.  
You are never coming home  
Never coming home.  
Never coming home.  
Never coming home…_

After Autumn's burial, Randy was barely getting by. He never wanted to get out of bed, and his attendance at shows was, while he was on time, he was 'there but not there'. It was understandable though, considering he lost the love of his life at the young age of twenty-three. John was there for Randy like none of his other friends, which would ultimately explain their closeness. More than just best friends, they were like brothers. Through thick and thin.

Even months after Autumn's untimely suicide, Randy was constantly thinking of her. In his travel bag, he had a necklace she always wore. It had a diamond "A" on a silver chain. Not to mention, he had the wedding planning book Trista had made that he literally took everywhere with him on the road. He'd find himself lost in the moment of their wedding planning, and their moments of happiness.  
It was a little hard to swallow. Okay, **a lot**.

He finally managed to get back into a routine where he was getting up, getting out, spending time with his friends, and taking the time to think of him. He was no longer dwelling on Autumn's death as much, but he still wasn't dating. Still wasn't going out as often, mainly he had become a big time homebody. This was even almost a year after she died. April 2004 came, and the first was his birthday. Unfortunately for mister homebody, his friends wanted to give him a birthday he'd never forget. They wanted him to take one of the biggest party spots of the United States. They were bringing him to Las Vegas, Nevada.  
John and his girlfriend Lela had MASSIVE plans for Randy, that involved partying all night, and just for ONCE -- enjoying a day. Enjoying his birthday more specifically. Lela had phoned up Trista Orton, to get some ideas on what Randy liked.

"He's a really open guy," Trista told Lela. "Just, he's into a lot of different music. He likes rock though, Pantera and all."

"Does he like Metallica?"

"Yeah he does," Trista laughed a little. "He's got every CD I think."

"Good, because Lars owes me a favor for performing at my last circuit benefit."

"Lars?"

"Ulrich, you know… the drummer of Metallica?"

"Wow, Randy would freak…"

"If I didn't like Randy I wouldn't use my favor on him," Lela laughed a little, "He deserves this."

Trista and Lela planned on meeting up at the event that she was calling "Randy's Night Out", and something Lela was hosting. It was going to be held at Caesar's Palace, and more than just a few of her friends were being there, the entire WWE had invites. Not everyone could make it but most were banking on being there for Randy.  
It was John who went to pick up Randy in St. Louis. He told Randy they were going to get to the next event city early, just so they could avoid traffic and get a good room. Did Randy believe him? Hell no, but he went without question since he knew John would never get him into trouble of any kind. Right? …Yeah, right…

When they arrived in Las Vegas, Randy knew something was up. He wanted to protest, but John pulled him into the limo that was sent for them. He wouldn't answer any questions of any kind that Randy threw out at him, even though Randy was showing signs of being legitimately pissed of at John.  
If he only knew.

Arriving at Caesar's Palace, John practically dragged Randy into the building and it was there that things were starting to come together. Randy had even forgotten that it was April 1rst, he had completely let it slip his mind that it was his birthday. How could he? He thought it was selfish to focus on yourself now days, and that's why he didn't do it if he could prevent it. He was going to snap out of it one way, and even Trista was starting to get worried about Randy. She wanted her brother back…  
She naturally missed Autumn as well, but she wanted her fun loving brother back. The brother that believed love could happen. The open brother that believed life should happen. Not this Randy, who stayed home and avoided life…

And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.  
Never coming home.  
Never coming home.  
Could I?  
Should I?

The room the party was being held in was decked completely out. The band Metallica had pulled through for Lela and were at the event, and the minute Randy was brought into the room and the large crowd of WWE superstars, friends, and his family screamed "SURPRISE!", the band kicked up with the high energy of "St. Anger", one of their newest tracks. Randy didn't know what to say, even as Trista Lynn walked over and put her arms around her brother with a smile.

"Happy birthday, Randy…"

"I forgot it was my birthday…" Randy admitted to her, as he hugged her tightly. "What's all of this for?"

"For you…" Trista looked up at Randy, a few tears in her eyes. "I mean, you don't think about yourself anymore so someone had to, Randy Keith Orton. We did this for you, so you could remember what fun is like. What friends do for friends. What family does for family…"

"…That's honestly really sweet, Trist…"

"Well, we love you…" she said quietly, "and I know that I want to see you happy again, Randy. I really do, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to ensure it."

"Did you plan this, Trista?"

"No, actually. Lela did." Trista smiled a little, "She knows the band, so she got them to come perform for you."

"I don't really deserve all of this…"

"Yes, you do. You deserve all of this and more, Randy."

As the evening would go on, Randy would realize what his sister was saying was true. He couldn't dwell on his loss forever. It wasn't only his loss, but he had kept in contact with Edward -- Autumn's twin brother, and he was engaged to get married and living in Seattle, Washington. He was living his life, and told Randy he needed to do the same. Autumn wouldn't have wanted to see Randy unhappy over her. Ever.  
Randy knew this was true, but it was just so hard to let go…

While as time progressed, and the year mark was coming closer… Randy was trying to put the negative behind him. It was at John Cena's birthday party the 23rd of April, that he met someone he had never met before. She was one of John's long time friends from West Newbury who was trying to break into the wrestling business. Her name, Regan Montgomery. Regan was a pretty girl, with light brown - almost blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was about five foot five in height. Randy didn't find her attractive at first, everyone else who met her on the other hand, did.  
That was because Randy was still lingering on Autumn. He could almost hear her voice in his head, telling him to stop lingering, stop dwelling, and to move on with his life. But he thought that would be disrespectful to her. He thought that, because they almost married, he should honor his vows to her. Though 'Till Death Do Us Part" came before their marriage, he figured he had to honor her…

It was Trista who attempted to wake up her brother. Again.

"Randy, please." Trista said, as she sat down with Randy in John's game room of his house the night of the party. "You have got to stop this."

"Stop what?" Randy questioned, "Nothing's wrong."

"You need to move on with your life."

"I am."

"No, you are not." Trista insisted. "You need to find yourself a nice girl, a nice girl to hang out with and maybe even find love. You-"

"Don't preach to me about love, Trista. You've never been in love…"

"Yes I have! I'm in love right now, as a matter of fact! You need to open your eyes, and realize the world is passing you by on so many levels…"

"Who are you with?"

"I'm dating a guy named Michael. He's a baseball player, and his last name is Cuddyer. I met him in St. Louis when the Minnesota Twins played your Cardinals…"

"Does he treat you good…?"

"Like a queen, Randy."

"I need to meet him, you know."

"I know. And you will, I promise, okay? Just you need to promise ME something, Randy Keith Orton."

"Anything."

"That you're going to open your mind and stop thinking so less of yourself. You need to move on…"

Randy hesitated for a minute. It was a long minute, too. He couldn't bring himself to say that he was going to move on from his love with Autumn. He couldn't do it. But with a heavy hearted sigh, Randy looked his baby sister dead in the face, despite tears glassing over his baby blue orbs.

"I promise…"

She knew he was telling the truth, too. Randy never looked as if he was going to burst into tears over anything. Not even at the most extreme moments did Randy seem like he was going to get physically emotional. The last time he got like that, was during Autumn's funeral. That anyone saw, anyway. There were many times that Randy cried over her, and many times that Randy felt a piece of him die when he lived another day without her…  
But he knew it was time to move on…

He was so young, yet lingering on the pain of a loss he had no control over. She thought things were too complicated to go on, and thought that she had no reason to live after her father died. Not even Randy. While he was angry over that more than anything, and felt that he had let her down… he knew it wasn't his fault…  
He knew his sister was right that he had to move on…  
He would.

And all of the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.  
Never coming home.

Never coming home.  
Could I?  
Should I?

It would be a few weeks before Randy would spend anymore time in West Newbury, Massachusetts, but John invited Randy over for a weekend of male bonding. How nice, right? A couple beers, a couple friends, a weekend of inter-league baseball with John's Red Sox and Randy's St. Louis Cardinals. It was to get Randy's mind off of all of the bad he was keeping inside of him.  
It was John's way of showing Randy that Randy was still his boy. Lela was out of town that weekend, as she was in Anaheim, California -- for the X-Games. Her and John were still going strong, and she was still doing her thing in the extreme skate circuit. She was good at what she did, and John couldn't help but respect that.

But back to the weekend John planned for them. They were going to go to the ballpark, Fenway, where the Red Sox were hosting the Cardinals. Then they were going to be at John's house for the Saturday and Sunday after the game at Fenway, just relaxing and taking a break from the extreme glow of their lives in the WWE. Randy was 24 - and his life would be taking yet another dramatic toll. Only this one, was far less drastic.

John and Randy had just returned from the game at Fenway, and they were just pulling up to the driveway when a now familiar face was running up the driveway. Regan ran up to John's Monte Carlo dressed in blue jeans and a white Patriots tank top, her hair flailing wildly as she jogged up.

"John! JOHN!"

"What's the matter!" John seemed nervous at the rate she was coming up, as he held out his arms to her. She hugged him tightly, laughing to herself.

"I just got a phone call from Jim Ross!"

"What's up, boo? What's happenin'?"

"They're taking my contract! They're actually taking my damned contract!"

"They are!"

"I've been signed, JC!"

Randy smiled to himself as he leaned against the car, shaking his head. He hadn't smiled over a girl in a long time until Regan. What made her different? It wasn't a 'love at first sight', not at all. He didn't feel anything for her, but there was something about her that made him smile.

"Congratulations." His voice seemed to shock Regan, as she didn't notice him there at first. She immediately began blushing.

"Oh… thank you…" she smiled slightly as she backed away from John. "I um, didn't know you were there…"

"I can avoid being seen if I want to." Randy smirked, "Don't you worry. What show are you going to be on?"

"RAW for now. I need to go to OVW for some 'tune up' training if you will, but they want me on Monday nights."

"Ahhh… you're going to be on my show, are you?" Randy pushed himself off the car, as he walked over to stand in front of her. He easily towered over her, but the smirk he was giving her seemed to make Regan giddy, even nervous. "I think that's pretty cool. We could use a diva like you."

"…Thanks…"

"Randy, quit flatterin' the poor girl, she needs to live long enough to SEE her debut…" John laughed to himself, "I mean, come on, brah -- you're going to make her weak in the knees with the charm!"

"That's perfectly all right," Randy said - much to John's surprise. "At least it would be a worthy lady taking a fancy to me, right?"

"Completely worthy, man."

It was September when Regan got her call up, and she was debuting as "Destiny". Randy was in the midst of his "youngest World Champion ever", at the age of twenty-four. He had just come off his big victory over Chris Benoit to become champion. His evolution stunt was done, and he was on his own, making waves in the ranks of RAW -- leading them into further spotlight. Randy got a chance to talk to Regan more frequently, and they even traveled together when Regan was needed in various townships for shows.  
It was giving Randy an opportunity to get to know somebody new.

John especially liked it, and in the long run, so did Trista Lynn. She hadn't really got a chance to get to know Regan, but she figured if Randy was taking even MILD interest in this girl, she was something special. It wasn't like Randy was proposing and asking her to be his wife, but the fact Randy was taking the opportunity to get to know this girl was showing progress.  
He was interested? Talk about your change of heart.

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
And all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me.  
If I fall…  
Down.

As Regan and Randy began talking more, Randy discovered that there was no harm in moving on. There was something about Regan Montgomery that made Randy smile. Something about her that made him feel, like he had a point in life again. It was after the pair had been teamed up on screen, as Randy and Destiny - where she was RKO's "Destiny", that Randy had more of an opportunity to get to know her.  
She was more than just a pretty face.  
She was more than just a good manager or a good diva.  
She was a good friend.

Something Randy needed before he sought out further movements in relationships. Once they were making random phone calls, laughing with each other, going to dinner on a regular bases, and when he blurted out that he wanted her to come by his place in St. Louis -- Randy realized subconsciously he was falling in love with someone who wasn't Autumn…  
That scared him…

Randy sat at his house in St. Louis, literally hours before Regan was supposed to come to his from West Newbury, and he was at his desk. He was sitting in front of a book that he made after Autumn's death, a journal of thoughts and words he wrote to his lost love. He had since put away the wedding book, put away certain belongings that he used to carry with him, all of which were in a tote in his closet. He wasn't getting rid of them by any means, but he knew that if there was any time he had to open his mind, and keep his promise to Trista, it was **now**.  
His final entry in his "Randy & Autumn : Tragic Love" journal, went as follows.

_Autumn, _

It's been a year now since you've been gone. May 21rst was the hardest day of the year for me, but I'm doing all right. Thanks to Trista, as what seems the usual, I'm holding my own and living just fine. In my heart I know, still, you were my soul mate. Time took you away from me, tragedy -- took you away from me…  
But I'm starting to come to terms with that.

I've written a thousand letters or so in the past year, but Autumn, this should be my last one. I realized that dwelling on something I couldn't control… something I couldn't prevent, was taking minutes - days - weeks - months off of my life. A life that I cherish, now. Knowing that no matter your age, something can take you out of the scope of wanting to live and push you into the abyss that all you want is death. The only thing you want is death.  
That abyss claimed you, my love… but it will **not** claim me…

There is too much to live for, and I understand while your vision was clouded, excuses can't be made. I will always love you, and words can't express how difficult my life is without you. Words can't even begin to cover how empty I feel when I wake up days and you're not beside me. But Autumn… I'm doing okay.

I made Trista Lynn a promise. A promise that I'd move on and take care of myself. Even if it included moving on. Even if it included not dedicating my life to a soul I can never have back. A love I can never have back.  
You.

Never forget, Autumn Rose Martin… you were my first love. But as it seems, you won't be my last. I need to let go, and I know you'd want me to let go and I know I need to finally let you rest in peace and get on with my life.  
I love you…  
Good-bye.

Eternally,  
Randy Keith Orton

As Randy closed his book… some would say that's how he closed that chapter of his life. But Randy knew in his heart he'd always love her. But he needed to move on. He needed to remember how to live for himself, and live for love.  
Maybe Regan could be his link.

* * *

**A/N:** MEH! This story was um, pretty sad… but I like it. I enjoyed writing it and major props to my boys in MCR for the amazing song. Let me know what's the what, family. Hope you liked it. -M.S 


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